1
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:15,450
A fine romance with no kisses.

2
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:22,549
A fine romance, my friend, this is. They
think we're like a

3
00:00:22,550 --> 00:00:24,430
couple of hot tomatoes.

4
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:29,070
But we're as cold as yesterday's mashed
potatoes.

5
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,820
Fine romance with no wrestling.

6
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:43,079
A fine romance with no nestling. We
might as well play bridge

7
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,480
with our maiden arms.

8
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,960
Love hasn't got a charm.

9
00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:49,800
This is a fine romance.

10
00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:57,680
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is...
Oh, forget it.

11
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:13,970
Skinny girl.

12
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,140
Hello? Laura, your loving sister.

13
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:20,690
Good morning.

14
00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:22,900
Oh. I love you too.

15
00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:25,859
Well, you're all bright -eyed and bushy
-tailed, aren't you?

16
00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:28,359
You've been up for hours, you've cleaned
the house, you've listened to the

17
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,699
omnibus edition of The Archers, and
you've already started preparing Sunday

18
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:32,499
lunch, haven't you?

19
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:37,099
Yes. Yes. And Phil's cleaned the
Peugeot, and he's got off to the pub in

20
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,139
suede jacket for the swift half, hasn't
he?

21
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,600
Yes. Yes, I hate you, both of you, in
the morning.

22
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,450
Listen. Never mind that.

23
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:45,110
Can you talk?

24
00:01:46,470 --> 00:01:49,090
Well, I open my mouth and ask him the
words.

25
00:01:49,470 --> 00:01:53,530
No, no. You know what I mean. Can you
talk now?

26
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:55,530
Yes, of course. Why?

27
00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:58,750
Well, I just wondered if Mike was still
there.

28
00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:03,930
Mike? Yes, Mike. The Mike you left the
party with last night.

29
00:02:05,110 --> 00:02:07,050
Oh, Mike.

30
00:02:09,449 --> 00:02:12,010
No, he went home.

31
00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:13,940
When?

32
00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:15,160
Earlier.

33
00:02:17,230 --> 00:02:18,510
Oh. Yes.

34
00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:20,970
Oh. Yes.

35
00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:22,650
I repeated the oh.

36
00:02:22,651 --> 00:02:25,869
Well, you can repeat oh to the cow,
Tullhorn. That's all you're getting.

37
00:02:25,870 --> 00:02:26,920
I'm not a serial.

38
00:02:27,030 --> 00:02:28,410
Now, mind your own business.

39
00:02:28,510 --> 00:02:29,560
Come to lunch.

40
00:02:30,570 --> 00:02:32,350
I haven't had breakfast yet.

41
00:02:32,351 --> 00:02:34,909
Well, how long does it take to have a
cup of coffee?

42
00:02:34,910 --> 00:02:37,890
Oh, come on, Laurie. You know Sunday's
on your own a dismal.

43
00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:39,750
And you're a good cook. True.

44
00:02:40,890 --> 00:02:41,940
Oh.

45
00:02:41,941 --> 00:02:42,779
All right.

46
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:47,120
But listen, I don't want a remark about
Mike with every mouthful of food.

47
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,400
Okay? Okay. Promise.

48
00:02:50,380 --> 00:02:52,720
Promise. Take that smile off your face.

49
00:03:12,911 --> 00:03:14,599
Are you going?

50
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,160
Yeah. She didn't turn up.

51
00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:22,120
Do another half? No, no, no. This is
fine. Thanks. Right. Cheers. Cheers.

52
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,650
Something wrong?

53
00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:27,870
No, no, no.

54
00:03:28,260 --> 00:03:29,310
So,

55
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,160
you seeing Laura today?

56
00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:35,200
Uh, Laura? No. Why?

57
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:39,460
Well, just when you left the party
together, everything seemed very cosy

58
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:40,940
Yeah. It was meant to.

59
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,380
Oh? Why?

60
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:46,999
Well, quite frankly, Phil, we thought
that the only way to stop you and Helen

61
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,670
from matchmaking all evening was to
retire to a neutral corner together.

62
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,140
As obvious as that, weren't we? Yes,
I've seen more subtlety in tag

63
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,300
It was well -intentioned. Cheers.

64
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:58,570
Cheers.

65
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:03,479
You're getting peculiar about beer,
Matt. Well, I like a nice obsession on a

66
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,460
Sunday. Parts with the time, doesn't it?

67
00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:07,079
About as bad, are they, Sundays?

68
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,130
Yeah, mostly.

69
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,220
Well, then, let's break the mould.

70
00:04:10,221 --> 00:04:11,589
What are you doing for lunch?

71
00:04:11,590 --> 00:04:15,710
Uh, well, reheating the spam fritters I
made for myself on Friday.

72
00:04:16,110 --> 00:04:19,250
That's if they haven't turned funny. You
don't want to do that.

73
00:04:19,251 --> 00:04:21,489
Come and have lunch with Helen and me.

74
00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:25,770
Well, you can't just barge in with one
extra for lunch.

75
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:27,080
You can with Helen.

76
00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:29,130
Well, that's very tempting, I must say.

77
00:04:29,710 --> 00:04:32,300
Helen's cooking weighed against my spam
fritters.

78
00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:34,760
I left them once for a few days, you
know.

79
00:04:35,130 --> 00:04:37,780
They developed a very interesting
-looking fungus.

80
00:04:37,781 --> 00:04:41,769
Could have been a cure for something,
for all I know.

81
00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:43,370
Ha! Spammy ceiling.

82
00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:46,490
Oh, now settle then.

83
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:59,629
Incidentally, this neutral corner that
you and Laura retired to, how neutral

84
00:04:59,630 --> 00:05:02,250
it? Well, I took her home in the van.

85
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,520
Yeah.

86
00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:05,750
And then she went in and I went home.

87
00:05:06,170 --> 00:05:08,130
Oh, that is fairly neutral.

88
00:05:08,131 --> 00:05:10,089
Give me the elbow, did she?

89
00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:11,140
No.

90
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:12,570
Elbows weren't involved.

91
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:16,190
It was mutual consent on the grounds of
mutual apathy.

92
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:18,070
Well, he can't win them all. Nah.

93
00:05:18,071 --> 00:05:20,469
Would you like another one in there?

94
00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:21,520
No, let's go and eat.

95
00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:38,810
Come out of that cupboard.

96
00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:43,500
No.

97
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:46,869
I said if you mentioned the name Mike
once more, I'd go into the cupboard. You

98
00:05:46,870 --> 00:05:47,920
didn't, so here I am.

99
00:05:48,990 --> 00:05:51,350
Look, I used to do this when we were
kids.

100
00:05:52,730 --> 00:05:56,370
And you used to get your own way with
Mum and Dad, didn't you? Well,

101
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,870
Well, let's just say I'm a slow learner.

102
00:06:00,930 --> 00:06:02,990
I'm going to have a sherry. Oh, really?

103
00:06:04,170 --> 00:06:06,400
You're not testing me out with sweeties?
No.

104
00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:08,390
Sherry.

105
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,540
It's a question of dignity, I suppose.

106
00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:22,499
I mean, I'm not furthering the cause of
women as a significant force in society

107
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,180
by standing in the cupboard, am I?

108
00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:26,620
Talking of modern society.

109
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,170
Not mine. No.

110
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,130
Modern society.

111
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:35,080
You know, I often wish I'd had your
opportunities when I was your age.

112
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:37,880
You're younger than I am.

113
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,500
No, no, that came out all wrong.

114
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:45,320
What I mean to say is there's a lot to
be said for being single today.

115
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,999
Is there?

116
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,359
Why were you chatting? You were not just
chatting. You were taking a loop line.

117
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,259
Now, listen, Helen.

118
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:53,490
Once and for all, I've come for Sunday
lunch.

119
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,510
Not for an in -depth interview about my
love life.

120
00:06:56,511 --> 00:06:59,639
It's an expression. It's an expression.

121
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,900
I know. Just an expression.

122
00:07:00,940 --> 00:07:03,340
Well, don't be so smug. I'm not smug.

123
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:09,879
Now, listen, Helen. No, really. You're
always so convinced that men find you an

124
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,020
absolute turn -off.

125
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,920
Well, Mike obviously didn't, did he?

126
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:19,470
No.

127
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,250
I'm pleased.

128
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:23,640
Oh, that sounds like girls.

129
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,380
You know what happened to Pinocchio's
nose?

130
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:30,640
Yes, of course.

131
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,360
Hello, Mike.

132
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:42,010
Look, if it's going to be any trouble...
No, one extra, two extra.

133
00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:44,000
Look who's here.

134
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,240
Oh.

135
00:07:48,890 --> 00:07:49,940
Hello again, Mike.

136
00:07:50,410 --> 00:07:51,550
What a lovely surprise.

137
00:07:51,810 --> 00:07:53,990
Oh, uh, hello. Uh, yes.

138
00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:59,129
Oh, what's up? You pop out for a swept
half, Mike. You just had a swept half.

139
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:02,380
And in any case, Mike wants to talk to
Laura, don't you, Mike? Yes.

140
00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:03,970
And I want to talk to Mike.

141
00:08:04,890 --> 00:08:05,940
Good.

142
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:07,460
Well, that's good.

143
00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:09,790
because I want to talk to you.

144
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,190
Chatty lot, aren't we?

145
00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:17,090
Well, I'll go and shell some peas.

146
00:08:17,370 --> 00:08:18,420
Oh, it's beans.

147
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,150
Why did you have to turn up here?

148
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:28,610
Why did you have to turn up here? I was
invited.

149
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:30,690
Oh, fine, because I get crashed.

150
00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:36,349
I happened to be passing and I said, why
don't I invite myself for lunch? So I

151
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:39,809
did. That's why I'm here, of course.
Couldn't you go somewhere else?

152
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,110
You're all warm, Thew, aren't you?

153
00:08:43,850 --> 00:08:47,520
Honestly, Mike, I can't think of
anything nicer than you turning up here

154
00:08:48,430 --> 00:08:50,410
Are you taking some form of treatment?

155
00:08:52,730 --> 00:08:56,390
There's no need to upset them, is there?
Oh, I'm not upsetting anyone.

156
00:08:56,770 --> 00:09:01,389
All I'm doing is sitting here talking to
a schizophrenic. If you went somewhere

157
00:09:01,390 --> 00:09:03,310
else, you wouldn't have to, would you?

158
00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:07,100
Actually, I... I was thinking of ringing
you today.

159
00:09:07,711 --> 00:09:14,859
What were you going to ring me on, your
little red plastic telephone with a

160
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:15,910
magic bell?

161
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:17,730
Keep looking.

162
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,020
Oh, you're being watched, are you?

163
00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:23,140
Do you know who I mean? Phil and Helen.

164
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:27,739
Yes, I know who you mean and I don't
know what you're talking about. Look,

165
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:31,410
think we left the party last night
together because we were getting very...

166
00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:36,139
Yes, I know.

167
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,029
And they don't know any different?

168
00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:39,080
Phil does.

169
00:09:39,090 --> 00:09:41,190
How? I told him. You did what?

170
00:09:41,590 --> 00:09:44,430
Well, he asked me. You bloody
backstabber!

171
00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:51,570
No, she didn't actually say he stayed
the night, but she more than hinted at

172
00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:53,410
Well, Mike didn't hint. He told me.

173
00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,430
He didn't even get inside her flat.

174
00:10:03,541 --> 00:10:06,479
Yeah, and what does that prove?

175
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,740
Men have been known to smile on the
gallows.

176
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,260
How many men have you seen on the
gallows?

177
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:12,530
Hundreds.

178
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,320
Look, the Mike's an honest bloke.

179
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,240
And Laura is my sister.

180
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:19,660
Yes, women have been known to lie about
these things.

181
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:20,930
And men haven't.

182
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:25,879
Well, I suppose the odd bit of perpetual
embroidery does go on in the pub. And

183
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,200
where did you talk to Mike?

184
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,380
In the pub. Well, what?

185
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:33,600
You don't embroider if I say the whole
evening was a total washout.

186
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,050
Well, somebody's not telling the truth.
Yeah, I know that.

187
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:38,580
Why would he lie?

188
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,680
Look, honestly, Helen, they're lies, not
ours.

189
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,480
It's none of our business.

190
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:49,100
Now, we don't have to know what they did
or did not do, do we?

191
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:50,990
Yes.

192
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,800
There's a cherry tree in the garden.

193
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,870
I thought you might like to chop it
down.

194
00:11:11,860 --> 00:11:12,910
What for?

195
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,570
So that when somebody says who chopped
down that cherry tree, you can say I

196
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,260
I, George Washington, did.

197
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:24,700
I'm getting fed up with you.

198
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,379
Oh, look.

199
00:11:27,380 --> 00:11:30,420
All I do is tell the plain facts of the
matter.

200
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,200
Ah, now, just a minute, just a minute.

201
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,160
Why should that bother you unless you've
made up a different version?

202
00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:40,100
You have.

203
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:42,630
You must have done. Must I? Yes.

204
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:50,349
Well... Well, if you must know, I went
along with a kind of assumption that

205
00:11:50,350 --> 00:11:51,400
Helen made.

206
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:54,250
Why on earth should you do that?

207
00:11:57,410 --> 00:12:00,190
Because... Because...

208
00:12:00,191 --> 00:12:05,049
I knew your ego wouldn't allow you to
admit you couldn't get through my front

209
00:12:05,050 --> 00:12:08,950
door. You didn't even know I'd be here
to speak to you at all.

210
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,330
Ah. Ah, yes.

211
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:12,700
Ah.

212
00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:17,769
Now, according to popular fiction, it's
men who are supposed to boast of the

213
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:22,189
conquests they've never made. It's us
who are supposed to stick little flags

214
00:12:22,190 --> 00:12:23,390
the side of our cockpits.

215
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:28,130
Seemingly apt phrase.

216
00:12:28,390 --> 00:12:29,440
Yes.

217
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,320
A singularly apt phrase.

218
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:32,910
So why did he do it?

219
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,800
I don't have to answer you. No?

220
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,200
You don't have to speak to me at all.

221
00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:54,659
Well, if you must know, perhaps it's
because I'm sick of not being a flag on

222
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:56,040
side of somebody's cockpit.

223
00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:05,009
Happy? No.

224
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:10,459
Sad. Don't you go feeling sorry for me.
No, no, no. I just feel sorry that

225
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:14,639
anybody should have to do that sort of
thing. And I know what I'm talking about

226
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,600
because I've done it myself.

227
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,250
I've lied.

228
00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:20,550
Well, why pick this moment to tell the
truth?

229
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,250
Perhaps I felt a finer type of person
this morning.

230
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:28,600
Perhaps I was actually concerned about
your honour.

231
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,780
Oh! cobblers to my honour. What about my
pride?

232
00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:34,470
Lunch is ready.

233
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:42,679
Look, I can do this. You go in the other
room and talk to Mike. I don't want to

234
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:45,339
go in the other room and talk to Mike.
Oh, you didn't say two words to each

235
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:46,259
other at lunch.

236
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,820
We did. We chatted about his work.

237
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:51,000
You said, how's the landscape gardening
business?

238
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,940
And he said lousy. I do not call that a
chat.

239
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:56,710
We're peppy.

240
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,210
You're not?

241
00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:02,000
You're both obviously ill at ease, and I
don't see why.

242
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:06,019
I mean, Phil might have got the wrong
end of the stick, but I couldn't be more

243
00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:09,560
pleased. Look, Helen, I think it's time
you heard the truth.

244
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,200
Mike didn't stay the night.

245
00:14:12,201 --> 00:14:16,559
We didn't do anything or go anywhere. We
just got on each other's nerves.

246
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:20,260
But when I phoned... I gave the
impression, yes, I know.

247
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,600
Oh, Laura.

248
00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:24,990
Childish, isn't it?

249
00:14:26,079 --> 00:14:28,669
Maybe I'm regressing. Maybe I'll end up
as Baby Jane.

250
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:32,840
Anyway, it was his fault.

251
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,360
Of course it was.

252
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,050
Why?

253
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,650
He didn't even give me the option of
turning him down. That's why.

254
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:52,380
Well, this won't postpone the first
coronary. What about a walk?

255
00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:55,470
I look at it this way.

256
00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:59,130
Exercise speeds up the digestive
process.

257
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:03,509
And when I think of my spam fritters,
I'd like Ellen's grub to stay in my

258
00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:04,890
stomach as long as possible.

259
00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:09,030
You were very quiet at lunch.

260
00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:10,860
Yeah.

261
00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:14,290
Uh, Phil?

262
00:15:14,650 --> 00:15:15,700
Hmm?

263
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,270
Uh, about Laura.

264
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,370
Now, I'm glad you brought that up.

265
00:15:20,510 --> 00:15:21,910
Because, you know, Helen...

266
00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:28,789
is under the definite impression that
you and Laura were, um... Well, she

267
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:29,840
be.

268
00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:31,450
But you didn't.

269
00:15:32,470 --> 00:15:33,690
Well, we did, actually.

270
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:37,690
You told me you didn't.

271
00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:39,400
Yeah.

272
00:15:39,450 --> 00:15:40,770
It's confusing, isn't it?

273
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:46,870
Well, why did you tell me you didn't?
Well, I mean, I grow things like

274
00:15:46,871 --> 00:15:47,889
don't you?

275
00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:48,940
Do you?

276
00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:51,410
Yes, well, of course you do.

277
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,830
We used to cut knotsies on our road loop
when we were at school.

278
00:15:58,831 --> 00:16:01,259
Of course, that was just for kipping.

279
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,420
Used to do that in my day.

280
00:16:03,940 --> 00:16:05,520
Did you pay for your kisses?

281
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,050
Certainly not.

282
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,340
I did. I was a bit shy, you see.

283
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,720
A penny a time to a girl with a lisp.

284
00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:18,780
Glenda, somebody... Glenda... Jackson?

285
00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:23,260
Pilbeam, that's it. Glenda Pilbeam.

286
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,060
Must have cost you a fortune.

287
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:26,940
Yeah, help me teeth, though.

288
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:33,379
I spent so much money buying kisses from
Glenda Pilbeam, I never had enough

289
00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:34,580
money left to buy sweets.

290
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:39,270
Well, well.

291
00:16:39,980 --> 00:16:41,100
You and Laura, eh?

292
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,450
Yep.

293
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,730
Well, well.

294
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,170
Yep.

295
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:55,650
Sound like Gary Cooper.

296
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,210
Always to look like Gary Cooper.

297
00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:00,610
Even an old Gary Cooper.

298
00:17:00,950 --> 00:17:03,750
Well, let's face it, Laura's no Jean
Arthur, is she?

299
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:06,530
Hello. Oh. What are you two talking
about?

300
00:17:06,790 --> 00:17:08,770
Um, Gary Cooper and Jean Arthur.

301
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:10,280
Before my time.

302
00:17:10,890 --> 00:17:11,940
Do you fancy a walk?

303
00:17:11,941 --> 00:17:13,729
Oh, that's what I said we should do.

304
00:17:13,730 --> 00:17:14,930
No, Mike and I, actually.

305
00:17:16,349 --> 00:17:17,490
Oh, yes.

306
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:19,320
Yes, of course.

307
00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:21,760
Yep.

308
00:17:40,631 --> 00:17:42,539
Have a nice time.

309
00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:43,590
Yep.

310
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,100
Could I leave it there or what?

311
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:56,830
You don't have to.

312
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:00,020
Still, you know where to find it.

313
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,460
True. Look, Mike.

314
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,290
I owe you an apology.

315
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,140
Letting Helen think that.

316
00:18:06,141 --> 00:18:06,799
You're stupid.

317
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:07,850
No, I'm done.

318
00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:09,400
Self -defence, I suppose.

319
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:11,900
Anyway, I've straightened it out.

320
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:13,860
I've told her the truth.

321
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,510
Oh, God.

322
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,480
I've changed my story to Phil. You did
what?

323
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,210
Your pride.

324
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,820
Who brought my pride into it?

325
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,150
You did.

326
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:25,730
Oh, yes.

327
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,210
That's going to be a very confused
household.

328
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,170
Are we still inside?

329
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:34,850
Don't walk around.

330
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,010
I think so.

331
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,020
We'd better make that a fast walk.

332
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,340
She's bound to believe me.

333
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:45,810
She's my sister.

334
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,020
Oh, fellow, believe me.

335
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:51,470
I mean, once a chap confesses to another
chap that he's not his ruler at school,

336
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,420
well, a chap is going to believe a chap.

337
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,560
You did that too, did you? Yes.

338
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,670
The point is, which one of them is going
to believe the other?

339
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,270
Perhaps we should issue a joint
communique.

340
00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:04,070
I could firm.

341
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,770
Oh, no, that wouldn't do it. It'd just
be your version.

342
00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:11,250
We'd both have to shout down the phone
at the same time for them to believe it.

343
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,789
Anyway, it serves them right for trying
to foist us off on each other, first

344
00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:17,930
place. I have an idea they'll give all
that up now.

345
00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:20,620
Very probably.

346
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:24,230
Well, I wouldn't say no.

347
00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:30,340
Neither would I.

348
00:19:30,950 --> 00:19:35,290
I didn't mean that, actually. I mean, I
wouldn't say no to another drink.

349
00:19:35,690 --> 00:19:39,010
Oh, would you like the same again? Yes,
please.

350
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,190
What did you use to put notches on your
ruler for?

351
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,570
Kisses.

352
00:20:22,571 --> 00:20:23,719
Did you sell them?

353
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:24,770
No, buy them.

354
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,350
We ought to have gone to the same
school.

355
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,290
Cheers.

356
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,960
Do you think we ought to get back?

357
00:20:44,961 --> 00:20:48,299
I suspect they've had enough of us for
one day.

358
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:49,860
I wouldn't blame them.

359
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:53,600
Time, gentlemen, please.

360
00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:57,120
It's Nemesis, isn't it?

361
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,370
What?

362
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,900
Well, this is the second time we've
found ourselves together.

363
00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:10,180
And it's the second time it's been a
sort of, well, a sort of non -time.

364
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,879
I mean, two o 'clock on a Sunday
afternoon. What do you do with a time

365
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,400
that? Hope it passes.

366
00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:18,990
Oh, you too.

367
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,330
Well,

368
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,320
at least we've got company.

369
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,680
Who? Well, each other.

370
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,450
Oh, yes.

371
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,920
Yes, I suppose that's true.

372
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:43,450
That's your walk.

373
00:21:43,820 --> 00:21:45,220
I'm not much of a walker.

374
00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:49,700
Drive? In your van? Yes.

375
00:21:49,940 --> 00:21:50,990
No.

376
00:21:50,991 --> 00:21:55,619
Pictures? No, I don't like going to the
pictures in the afternoon. I don't like

377
00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:57,060
coming out into the daylight.

378
00:21:59,731 --> 00:22:01,199
I

379
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:10,019
wonder

380
00:22:10,020 --> 00:22:11,460
what Phil and Helen are doing.

381
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:14,530
I wonder.

382
00:22:15,620 --> 00:22:18,100
Whatever it is, I bet it's warm and
wonderful.

383
00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:19,750
Yes.

384
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:23,750
Yes.

385
00:23:01,740 --> 00:23:02,790
I've got an idea.

386
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:05,690
Bruton Galleries.

387
00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:08,240
An exhibition of ethnic marks.

388
00:23:09,260 --> 00:23:10,310
Admission free.

389
00:23:13,420 --> 00:23:14,480
It would have to be.

390
00:23:14,481 --> 00:23:16,139
You really don't fancy the idea?

391
00:23:16,140 --> 00:23:17,320
No. Neither do I. Let's go.

392
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:22,140
Why? Well, going to something we both
think is going to be awful.

393
00:23:22,820 --> 00:23:25,340
Well, start, isn't it?

394
00:23:25,860 --> 00:23:27,560
I bet one of us goes and likes it now.

395
00:23:29,020 --> 00:23:30,070
That's on the cards.

396
00:23:30,071 --> 00:23:33,919
I don't know why we're doing this. I
imagine kamikaze pilots heading out on

397
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:38,359
their missions had more hope than us.
Well, you've got to have hope, haven't

398
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:39,800
you? That's a good song title.

399
00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:45,160
What are you laughing at?

400
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:46,450
Well, hope.

401
00:23:46,451 --> 00:23:47,699
That's all.

402
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:48,750
Hope.

403
00:24:01,770 --> 00:24:07,069
With no finches They think we're like a
couple of hot tomatoes

404
00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:11,969
But we're as cold as yesterday's mashed
potatoes

405
00:24:11,970 --> 00:24:18,789
A fine romance with no wrestling

406
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:25,789
A fine romance with no nestling We two
are just as

407
00:24:25,790 --> 00:24:30,090
prickly as cactus plants Love hasn't got
a charm

408
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,260
It is a fine romance.

409
00:24:33,310 --> 00:24:37,860
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